Query Critique #12

This query looks at a picture book, which required me to do some research so I’d have something to refer to.

According to this post by Mary at KIDLIT, a query for a picture book should be short and compelling since the book usually follows the letter.

Disclaimer

I am not an agent or an editor. I do not have a college degree that makes me an expert. I am simply sharing my thoughts on the query below as a fresh set of eyes. The author is not obligated to use any of my suggestions.

Submitted Query:

Dear ???,

I am submitting my picture book, PLEASE DON’T WAKE THE GIANT. This is a 441 word humorous picture book story is a humorous story about children’s most common fear  (I’m cautious about this statement because do you know for a fact this is children’s most common fear or are you assuming this based on experience? I’d consider cutting the phrase altogether and simply leading with what follows) -what is hiding in their bedrooms at night.

A young boy (Does he have a name? If so, give it to us) wakes one day and realizes instead of worrying about monsters in his room at night he should have been worrying about a giant in his bed. (I feel like you could cut to the chase and simply say A young boy wakes with a sleeping giant in his bed and then finish the sentence with the remainder of the sentence that follows.)  When he finds one sleeping next to him he quickly learns he must do whatever it takes to keep the giant asleep. For if he doesn’t he will have one very grumpy giant on his hands.

Okay, picture book queries need to have the characters, the main problem, and the resolution. Above you’ve provided the characters and the problem, but you haven’t shown the resolution. So I’m guessing if you summarized how the little boy works on keeping the giant asleep that would be all you’d need.

In the past twelve years I have been published in various magazines, written marketing and corporate white papers as well as writing for multiple blogs. This is my first picture book for children. Please find the completed manuscript below per your submission guidelines. You can contact me via email or via phone-. (You don’t need that last sentence. They will contact you if they are interested. You’re providing your email by sending the email and your phone number will be under your closing.)

Thank you for your consideration.

Best,

This book sounds really cute. Are you the illustrator as well or would you need one?

One thought on “Query Critique #12

  1. Thank you for the critique it is incredibly helpful! Some days it is hard to keep your head up but your critique gives me guidance and focus-it is greatly appreciated.
    I am not the illustrator. I thought about finding one before submission but I decided to stick with what I know best, writing.
    I hope your husband is recovering and you are doing well.

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